You are.... errrr fat

Why are we obsessed about becoming errr....ummmm....being fat? I am talking about those people who love to comment on others' physical appearance, completely oblivious to what's happening with their own body... We had a colleague who was fascinated by people's weight. Be it man or woman, he had to observe their curves (or what's supposed to be curves). Every other day, he would pick a bakra. He used to just walk out from his room, walk towards someone/ printer and say "Your face is bloating. You have put on so much weight. I have been observing you for quite sometime now." Well, why have you? The funniest part is the man himself looks at least 5 years older than his true age, his belly arrives 2 minutes before his feet do.

My mom used to be extremely thin in her younger days. Grandma says they could literally count mom's bones because they were so easily visible. Unfortunately, some people thought she will be that thin even when her daughter reaches marriageable age. I remember many people commenting, "You have put on little weight dear." I used to feel like replying, you don't expect her to remain the same size! Thank Goodness she's put on weight...finally! By the way, hello! you haven't shrunk either!

Coming back to where I started, with regards to that particular colleague, I am sure he was aware he was much bigger than what he ideally should be. Why did he not ever say, "I have been putting on so much weight since a long time now" ? Why was his focus on others' weight? The numerous incidents with that colleague made me ponder why are we obsessed with others' physical appearances? Obsession especially about fat people who are just colleagues, with whom we have no friendship and no relationship? What do we benefit from that? By trying to point out that others are getting bigger day by day, are we trying to deviate attention from ourselves? So, are we aware that we are big, but don't want ourselves to admit or the opposite person to point out?

While I contemplate on the above, let me also look at weight reducing activities. Its high time, I did something about my bloating body....

Friends forever?

How many times in school did you say, we will be friends forever? Take out the year book or the scrap book from that attic and glance over it. I am sure there are numerous people whom you thought as close friends but don't even know where they are today. Why is it that we mean to genuinely keep them as our friends for life, but somehow miss out on keeping that word?

Friend, a small 6 letter word......but some really end. See the last 3 letters in it. friEND. It truly makes me wonder with the number of people who were my friends, don't even exist in my life anymore.

When in school, some friends left because their parents got a job transfer. Those days, internet or cell phone or text messages were unheard of. Although they knew where we lived, never got a letter from them.
Neither did I do anything to be in touch with people after I changed school and locality. Lately, I have been trying to get in touch, but can't yet proudly say that I have succeeded. I am still trying to get back R (school), Y (old locality friend), D (another locality friend) and N (college days). 

When job changes happen, do you keep in touch with everyone? I am sure all of us have the best of intentions to do so, but finally blame it on the rat race; when we are not able to do it. We can always say; "I didn't but neither did they." But, I am not writing this to complain or playing the blame game. I am just writing what I experienced and what few of my close people have.

I think internet and social networking sites are truly a boon in this regard. Aren't we glad to search for old friends and say a hello to them? Do we not click pictures from our digital camera so that we share it with the world and listen to what they have to say, besides the fact that they are our memories? But, there's a flip side to this too. Everyone in the so called friend list gets to know where we are and what we are doing, but the people whom we are so desperately trying to search for; have no clue about this.

To ponder back on what I started with, "Some things happen in life because they are meant to teach you something. Some people came into your life, because you were meant to experience something. Time and tide wait for no one and hence the people too move on." It's in your hands to catch up with them or just watch them go.

On that note, I am glad I have some true friends in my life and would like to thank them for being there. Thanks K (school and college), K(college) and K (college and colleague)! Thanks G (school friend). Uploading a caricature found on the internet.....!

Truly random feelings

"Where hath thee?" asked she
"Deep down in your heart," answered he


Why can’t I feel you, your Majesty?
Because you think what people will think when they see


Why do I have a sense of uncertainty?
Because you see only one part; and that creates ambiguity


What should I do to change it?
Ignore and live on; thou shall do thy duty and thou shall think you are free

Smile :-)

A week has passed and its now time to count the blessings. Firstly, thank you God for development at the work front. Second, thank you for the lovely friends. Thirdly, thank you Kinks for such a motivating mail. Fourthly, thank you people for calling me and commenting 'in person,' I appreciate that and feel humbled by so much love. Have a great weekend and thank you once again!

Roses or Lashes?

A little birdie hopped on to the window when I was watering the plants. I gave her a bowl of water to drink. She finished the bowl. I filled it again. She finished it again. Now, this was getting a little too much. I had just enough time to water my plants and this one wants to have some conversation with me. So, I said a quick hi and whats up? She said she hovered around the windows of Chimp and Champ when they were having some interesting conversation and gave me a sly look. Being an Indian wife, can I resist it? Nonchalantly, I said "go on."

She started saying that Champ seems to be testing Chimp because she heard Champ say, "If you were to describe your wife (i.e. me), to your colleagues, what would you say?"

Chimp thought this was easy and said, "I would say she is a sweet and loving girl. She takes care of the house very well. She takes care of the family well. She has a sense of belonging with the family. She is intelligent." Chimp thought he had done very well and went to hit the bed. Champ was delighted. Of course, she didn't expect Chimp to say goody-goody things. It surprised her. Her face was glowing. 

Not yet done with the conversation, Champ asked "If some day we decide to have children and God gives us the liberty to decide their characteristics, what would you like them to take from me?" Now, Chimp began to get irritated. He was just about to feast on his Sunday's siesta. But he got up, sat and thought to himself "Anyway she wont let me sleep, till I answer her all her questions."  He pondered for a while and then said, "Well, there are quite a few things which they should take from you. For instance, your sense of smile, meaning the fact that you smile under all circumstances, whether good or bad. Your intelligence, your loving nature, gentleness, the emotional tie that you share with the family etc." And he began to rest again. He was very proud of himself. He wanted to pat himself. After all, which husband could have answered such good qualities about his wife, even when he was sleepy.

Chimp did get carried away a little though because he continued and said, "But you know what? In our society, the right age to get married is kind of decided by the members of the community, not by the individual himself. If I had to have it my way, maybe I wouldn't have got married at all or maybe married very late. I don't know. Maybe I would have prioritized and focused on attaining a lot of professional objectives." Saying this, he fell asleep.

I wonder what will happen when he gets up. Will he get roses for the goody goody things he said about his wife? Or is he going to get lashes for the last part that he himself added, which was never asked about?

'.....and they lived happily ever after'

On one of the chat messengers, a friend of mine had the following as his status message:

"For sometime nothing happened. And then.......

the nothing continued to happen."

I used to find it amusing and have often thought about the above line and laughed to myself. But recently, I noticed that the above is true about numerous married couples - young and old! 

Let's take for example, the lives of Chimp and Champ. For sometime, they were dating each other - nothing special about that. Nor did they do anything to make it special. They didn't do anything extraordinary to proclaim their love for another. They lived in different cities, yet their eyes didn't glow, hugs didn't come naturally when they met. Yet they believed they were deeply in love with another. This continued for a long time, but nothing happened. 

Months became years and finally they decided to get married. They had a beautiful marriage and they say, a truly beautiful honeymoon. "Only we wish the honeymoon lasted forever," Champ said. We didn't get the hint right then. 

Over the years, as I met more and more married people, I realized that almost everyone had the same story to say. Some actually said it aloud, while some didn't. Maybe because I married a little later than some of my friends did, I understood their feelings even when they were silent. Fortunately or unfortunately, they communicated a lot through their eyes. 

Because I was close to Chimp and Champ, I was aware that they didn't seem to have the '....and they lived happily ever after.'  If you see around, you would find a lot of couple like that. Deep down inside your heart, maybe you will feel that this is true about you too. Why then are we conditioned right from our childhood that such a concept exists and it is the most ideal concept? Ideal, yes. But does it exist? Which couple (married/ unmarried) does not have its ups and downs? Which couple can genuinely say that every single day has been a happy day with their partner? Every single fairy tale that was read out to us had a ''....and they lived happily ever after.'  Hindi movies in those days had all the twists in the love story but the ending only portrayed the marriage of the lead characters. Rarely did we come across a movie which talked about post-marriage crisis. Every movie talked about they finally became committed to one another and the society allowed it, but none talked about their life post-commitment. However, in recent years there have been a few movies which have touched upon it - the number can be literally counted on fingertips: Chachi 420, Chalte Chalte, Saathiya, Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna. Do you know more?

Why do we want to ignore the aspect of life after marriage or life in a live-in relationship? Is it so sad that we don't want to talk about it? Are we scared to communicate to our near and dear ones that we are not happy or that we need their guidance to resolve issues and attain happiness? Or is it that we don't want them to think negative of ourselves or of our partner? 

Do we not want the world to know how our relationship/ marriage truly is?  Do we want to talk only about the good things of our relationship and hide the bad things? If we hide the negative and keep suffering, are we not causing pain to ourselves and to our partner? Should we not speak the negative too and get as much help as possible, so that the problem is solved and we become "happy"? Why have we made this silence so mandatory in our society?

And what about children? Since childhood, thanks to those fairy tales and movies, I didn't know adults faced so many difficulties in their relationship and that ....and they lived happily ever after' is only partially true. Right then, I didn't know it was partially true because I completely believed that.

Why then are we making children believe something which probably does not exist? And if it does not exist, then why are we reading stories which have such endings? Doesn't that count as fooling them? In some ways we need to convey it to them that in a relationship some days are happy days and some days are not. For some couples it will be most days as happy days and some days as not or maybe even vice-versa.

If we don't then,

Nothing will happen to make the relationship better and the nothing will continue to happen!

Why can't a good feeling last forever? Why is it that when you least expect a bad thing to happen, that's precisely when it does! When you are at the pinnacle of happiness, you are suddenly pushed to the bottom of the mountain. You don't just roll down the mountain. You come crashing down.

Because we belong to the "instant" generation, the 'breaking news' spreads like wildfire. Within hours, the whole world knows that you have fallen down. But they won't spare you.They will certainly boggle you down still further. How? With hundreds of text messages, phone calls and personal meetings. It's fine till here. But the toughest part is when they ask "what's the plan now?" People please! All I and my family have done so far is recall the entire episode to every Narayanaswamy, Lakshminarayan periappa, Saraswati Mami, Kaveri akka etc in this world. You really believe that these people sympathize you and have come to lessen your pain. But sometimes the best of intentions rub in the wrong way. Every individual wants to listen to every minute detail! Never mind that you are upset. They will still have questions and will expect you to reply then and there. "Oh Really? How did it happen? What time was it? Where were you? Where was the rest of the family? Who informed you? What time? Did you finish your lunch by then? Where did you have lunch? Who informed outsiders? I got to know from this person, did you inform her? No??? Then who told her?

Nobody seems to understand that we haven't yet digested the news, let alone decide the next course of action. As a family, we haven't sat down with one another to talk things out. As soon as the rapid fire questioning of the past event is done, the next rapid fire question set is ready. This time its about the future course of action.

initial days of being transferred

Written in Feb 2006:

Location: Gurgaon

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going….or so they say. Here, it seems neither. The tough isn’t growing…but neither is the patience. They all are at the same level. Static? Maybe. Reality seems too vague at this moment. And so does hope.

Nah, hope can’t be vague. In my case, it is more like the sunshine here; sometimes at its peak and sometimes hidden somewhere….you can’t reach it…but can just sit and wonder when it will be out soon.

Watching the skyline gives the thought that the foundation should be strong enough to grow that tall. But is this foundation of career, the so called ‘ideal’ career??? 7 months in the hinterland….not knowing exactly how hugely fragmented our nation is, then flown to north to the capital city. Well not exactly to the capital, but a place close to the capital city.

To cherish each moment is equivalent to day-dreaming, dreaming about being surrounded by friends, relatives, in the warmth of Mumbai. That sounds like a distant dream….a dream of about 1176 km, that’s the approximate distance between Mumbai and Delhi. I am saying approximate because each airline mentions its own sweet figure.

Each morning, the tiny rays of sun enter the room and whisper something. One can’t always make out what it wants to say. However, the very next day, you will realize what it must have said (the previous day). It must have said, ‘Enjoy my warmth today. I intend to be on leave tomorrow.’

That’s exactly how each moment is passed here. Some moments one fails to fully understand what’s happening, but still moving on and sometimes one clearly knows what’s happening. No matter what the case may be, the fact of the matter remains, that you need to live each moment, FULLY.